3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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