I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
