Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
