we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
