i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
