Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
