You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
