God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
