I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
