I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
