I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
