I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
