Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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