Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
