Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
