dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
