We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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