Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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