I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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