White coat. Heels.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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