That's when you crack a 10am beer
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
