can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
