he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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