if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
