i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
