I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
