I wish I could teleport
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
