He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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