I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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