your parents love me but you hate me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
