u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
