batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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