I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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