Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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