My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
