Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
