he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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