she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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