Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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