If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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