Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she peed on how many people?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is classic penis vs brain.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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