i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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