Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
