Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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