My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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