I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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