The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Randomize
