hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
