You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
