1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
