Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
