Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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