Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
