I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
