this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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