My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need moral support for this bender
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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