see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
