i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
