I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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