i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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