so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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