I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
