I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
