Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
